Life is a journey – not a pre-written book

As I am trying to explore who I want to be, and what I want to do, I am looking at so many different avenues. As I mentioned earlier I found some great minimalist website. I find – with my personality – I want want want, more more more. It isn’t just material things, it is information too. I could spend days researching, and collecting. For what you ask – I have no idea! I just hate the thought that there is information out there that I don’t have or I don’t know. I have this compulsive behavior that I am trying to break free from.

I digress….

So I am implementing more minimalist behaviors. My house is thanking me (not my husband though! :) everything has a home it has to go to!) So I was planning on going to Yoga that day. And I got thinking about the minimalist mentality. And I got myself in a mini panic attack. I all the sudden didn’t want to go. I got home – I was in a bad mood. My dear husband looked at me and said – get dressed – you are going to yoga. I didn’t want to go – I should be home – I should be with the kids – I should be cleaning – I should be organizing – I should be – I should be – I should be……If you are a minimalist – you don’t just have minimal possessions, you have minimal commitments and minimal activities.

Reluctantly I get in my car with a scowl on my face and drive out to the Bikram Yoga class. I change walk into the 90+ degree room thinking – I should be home – I shouldn’t be here. I lay down still agitated. We start – I look around – this is only my 2nd class. I start doing the poses, before I know it the 90 minute class is over. I am doing my cool down breathing – and I go over the events in my head.

I am trying to find that perfect solution. I want to go to a site – and have them tell me exactly what to do. You know what – life is a journey, not a pre-written book. I am not going to find that perfect solution already out there that fits me. I shouldn’t have to conform to anything or anyone. I was able to push myself in my class. I was stretching my muscles, my organs, my mind. Just in my 2nd class I was able to do new poses that I wasn’t able to before. I felt longer, leaner. I was covered in sweat. I felt great! As I was walking to my car I texted my husband and thanked him for “forcing” me to go, and told him I loved him. I almost didn’t go because I was trying to conform myself to a lifestyle that I don’t really know anything about, and I am interpreting it to an extreme.

There is no perfect solution written for anyone out there. I don’t think I will stop looking, because each person’s journey can be a part of mine and can help guide me to where I want to go, and what I want to be. But – we all must write our own books. We have to pick and choose, and mold what we want our lives to be, not be told.